About The Beer

Brewery: Tui/DB
Style: Lagery sorta thing
ABV: 4%
Standard Drinks: 1 Standard drink in a 330 ml bottle. (makes for easy as maths)
Website: www.tui.co.nz

Hopcorn Rating

hopcorn rating 3

What They Say About It

“Tui Lager is a crisp, refreshing lager with a far more subtle bitterness than your ex-girlfriend. To get the best aroma out of the beer, step away from your mate’s armpit and inhale. The finish of the beer can be best noted once the bottle is empty.”

What I Say About It

First of all I’d just like to say I appreciate Tui’s marketing departments’ yarns on this one. “Far more subtle bitterness than your ex-girlfriend” is a hilarious way to describe a beer and I take my hat off to them. But does the beer match up to the jokes on the label?

Now I’m approaching this opinion differently than your average craft beer review. This is because I think a lot of beer drinkers forget that beer is a versatile beverage and it doesn’t always have to cost you more than your spoilt girlfriends’ birthday, or taste finer than a 40 year old single malt whiskey, mixed with powdered unicorn horns.

Sometimes you just want something cheap and cold with a bit of fizz and alcohol in it. And that’s exactly what Tui lager is.

It’s yellow and real fizzy. Tastes like sparkling water with maybe a bit of bitterness just as promised. Costs about $1.50 a beer in the supermarket and it’s the best option out of a pitiful selection at the cricket. It is by no means a good beer looking through my beer snob goggles, but when I put on my cricket attending, banter with the lads spectacles, it ain’t so bad.

It’s cheap it’s easy to drink and it’ll cost you bugger all, so if you’re not into the finer things or you have a budget of $23 for leisure time this week after spending all your study link payment on mee goreng, and taxis from town this is the beer for you.

10 Words Or Less

Cheap and not too nasty.

Movie Match

This is a tough one. Movies all cost the same and I wouldn’t recommend you an inferior film for that reason; just as I couldn’t recommend Tui Lager if 8 wired beers were a dollar each. For that reason I recommend flipping up the couch cushions and searching for that Good Will Hunting DVD you forgot to return to Video Ezy a few years ago. Or perhaps illegally downloading something in the vein of Animal House or American Pie which you can watch passively as you knock back Tui Lagers and play silly buggers with the lads.